we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
