I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
