i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
