the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
