Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
