is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
