Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
