Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
