That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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