So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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