i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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