Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
