wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
