Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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