just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
