booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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