everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
