Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no more duck duck goose at the bar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
