i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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