New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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