i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
