You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
