He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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