those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
