how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
