you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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