But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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