can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
