dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
