you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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