You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
