i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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