yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
