With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
