My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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