i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
