I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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