I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
