My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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