This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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