I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
