he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
