I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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