Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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