you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
