i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
