I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
