it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
