that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
