yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
