He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
