He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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