Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
